i have been a very bad blogger. good thing this isn't a payin gig, huh? well life goes on here, much as it has been goin on in the whole wide world. challenges arise and are either met or shied away from.
last time i was here, i was still hopeful and relatively optimistic about several things. i humbly announce that most of that has changed and not necessarily for the better. as i previously stated, there's a reason why i'm a skeptical romantic. the idea of bein in a relationship and sharin parts of your life and self with another is at times, grandly appealin. then you realize it's only appealin in theory. unless you are honest with and appreciate yourself, you are in no position to be honest with or appreciate another person. that bein said, you can at least make a concentrated effort if you are truly well and tired of bein alone and sincerely desire to participate in the interactions which make up a relationship. it all begins with YOU. acceptance and forgiveness of past misdeeds/mistakes are the first steps in repairin any damage you may need to release before you present yourself as a prospect for romantic involvement. you must be able to talk about and express your own emotions before you can attempt to process those of anyone else.
now, please don't think that i'm some perfect poster-child for relationships. re-read the above paragraph and fill in the blanks as needed. i can however admit that i am still workin on some of the very things which have seemed to cause a sudden rift in the development of my new "relationship" and can also add that hey, it really wasn't me this time. i know i have issues that are still quite unresolved, but i'm human and i really am workin on them. but i have achieved that place of acknowledgement of my flaws, faults and shortcomings. i know what i still have to work on and i have accepted that this is me and i may still be too much to handle. but at least i'm tryin.
so, if you must know, i haven't been in contact with previously mentioned beau in about a month. i am respectin the request made by said beau and although i am quite confused by words and actions of this person, i have glimpsed where and why these things have come to pass in the manner they have. it would be easy to jus say eff this and move on, but when have i ever done somethin that was easy for me? it sucks bein an empathetic person, so although i'm not sittin by the phone twiddlin my thumbs, i cannot seem to summon the bitterness that i used to have. if/when our paths cross again (as they inevitably will livin on such a small island), the light within me will smile and say hello. i'm still a lady after all. and skeptic though i may be, i'll admit i'm still hopeful that next time, things will be different.
guess we'll see . . .
