Allow Me to Re-Introduce Myself

so, hello again.  every time i get on here, i have to apologize for being a bad blogger.  now that i've gotten that out of the way . . .

i hope that everyone had a great holiday season and that the new year has been good to you so far.  as for me, i'm pleased to report that i'm once again a responsible adult and i'm gainfully employed.  i've been workin long enough to be out of my probation period, so i could use the new gig as an excuse for not writing, but that's not the only thing.  i like the interactions i have with my coworkers and customers. sometimes i forget how much fun it is. and although it's not typically a good idea to date coworkers, i have to admit the thought is very intriguin.  there's quite a bit of cuteness goin on . . .

that new prospect i had, yeah. let's just say it was simply that. a prospect.  even with all the potential in this sphere of existence, things just had a way of showin me that maybe it wasn't quite what i had in mind. there are some things that i jus don't understand when i think about how things ended up. but then again, if i did understand how it worked, i'd be bloggin about other things entirely. 

but overall, life here in paradise is still grand and i remain amazed at the beauty that surrounds me.  beauty that tourists spend thousands of dollars to borrow for a day or more that i can enjoy unlimitedly. well, at least for right now.  one of my goals is to be a better blogger (yeah yeah, i know), and to be so kick ass at my job that around this time next year, i'll be ready for another adventure . . .

Back at One

so, here i am again. have you ever looked at your life and thought, "this is sooo not where i expected/thought i would be right now?"  well i find myself doin jus that quite often as of late.  i have not givin up completely and admittingly, that would be the much easier way out. bein the woman that i am, however, does not interpret easy. i still haven't quite figured out how to do things half-assed.  in most ways, that's a very good thing.  so as i sit here and listen to the first wave of weather that may or may not develop into a hurricane, i find myself in this contemplative place in my mind where i try to understand how i ended up here.  emotionally, mentally, physically, and spiritually. i guess that's why they say if you want to make God smile, tell Him your plans . . .

all things considered, i could be a lot worse off.  i'm still not employed full time, still tryin to figure out if it's worth it dealin with the opposite sex, still tryin to cope with bein back home in the islands and everythin that entails.  but like i've learned, it could always be worse.  and so i find myself doin "mindless" activities so that my synapses are always firin away and so i can actually sleep at night. insomnia is always on the fringes of my consciousness, waitin for the witchin hour to barrage my brain with all the random, unprocessed thoughts i've managed to avoid these past couple of months.

i'm still a work in progress and there are still things i wish would have worked out a different way. but every experience is a lesson; it may take us some time to work out jus what the lesson was, or we may not ever understand it. hopefully, i'll get to that place in my life where it finally begins to make sense. until then, i'm kinda stuck in the "what if?" round-about/intersection of figurin things out. wonderin how things would have turned out if only one thing in an encounter/experience was different. but isn't that how life goes? always pinnin away for that other grass? what if we realize it's all the same grass, but perhaps jus a different fence? hmmm . . .