Happy 2015

happy new year!

a new year is a chance for new beginnings and new adventures.  a time for new alliances, alligences and for makin all your plans and aspirations reality.  it's also the perfect time for new friendships and relationships.  even if you're jus renewin an old connection or tryin to make some new ones, there's jus somethin about the afterglow from the holiday season that gives people that extra somethin they need to venture out there and jus . . . try.

so, i've been hangin out a little bit more since my return from workin away for the summer and i've noticed that i'm bein noticed.  it's comin from all directions, all at once, in places and in circumstances that i never would have paid attention to before.  it's flatterin to say the least, but i have begun to wonder: is there really somethin different about me? hmmm

anywho, as of this moment, i'm still single.  i've been living back home here for three years now and i have to say, it's not as bad as i'd imagined.  i have met a few possibles but story of my life, they remained jus shy of becomin more.  i guess it's jus one of those things where you sit back, take a look around and wonder jus what in the hell happened? i mean, this is before my trip.  i thought i was doin pretty good.  but bein away, even for only a few months, has revealed things about myself to myself that i really should have known and been practicin all along.  i didn't need an online article or some celebrity written book to tell me how to have interpersonal relationships or intimate ones.  it appears all i've had to do is be who i've always been.  walk taller, hold my head higher.  listen to my heart over the clamor of those who assume they know what i want or what's best for me.  there was someone i forgot i knew when i got back here.  she got lost in the shuffle of tryin to remember how to be happy with me.  she forgot how to take pleasure in simple things, to enjoy her own company.  how to jus be comfortable in her own skin.  but, i found her.  buried under all the things that made me unhappy, the things i was doin to make everyone else happy was smothering her, crushin her under the impossible weight of people pleasin.  once i separated myself from the noise and confusion and the constant tuggin of bein pulled in every possible direction, i had no choice but to sit still in a quiet place and then i could hear her.  and she told me the things i forgot i knew. 

now that i've had a few more months of listenin to her and actually doin what she says, maybe that's the difference that everyone else is seein.  i'm different to them because i'm free.  i do what i want, with who i want, when or where i want and it's exactly what i should be doin.  i'm happy, less stressed and way more relaxed than i've been a long long time. and that's jus fine with me . . .